yesterday in the car my mom said “theres always the one gay twin out of a pair” and my twin brother and I shot a glance at one another because we’re both the gay twin
what does sending anon hate accomplish… go outside… pet a dog… ride a bike… Call your dad and apologize for being a disappointment
Do you ever get like super vulnerable late at night that you just want to spill your heart out and say how you feel because you’ve been holding it in for so long and you just need some ventilation and there’s just something about two in the morning that makes me lose my filter and say the things I would never have the guts to say when the sun is up.
the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day
THE LITTLE KID NEXT DOOR JSUT OPENED HIS WINDOW AND YELLED “WHAT IS 27 PLUS 4” AND I YELLED “IT’S 31” AND HE SAID “THANK YOU GOD LADY” IM LAUGIHNG
If I were in the Hunger Games I would use one of the parachutes and gift containers and put all kinds of poisonous berries in them and then climb trees and send them down to unsuspecting tributes. Oh, you thought you were getting a nice fruit salad? Think again. POISON.
You should volunteer as tribute, you evil genius
accidentally stuttering while saying your snarky comeback
Real friendship is when your friend comes over to your house and then you both just take a nap.
why iphones gotta take two million years to turn back on after they die like you plug em in and you’re all ready to start texting again but they’re like “nope. i gotta take some time for myself. figure out who i am. you hurt me too much the last time. let me think.”
im always like hell yeah i’d survive an apocalypse and then i remember sometimes I nearly faint in the shower because the water is too hot
if you are grabbed from behind, here are some helpful self defense tips. fart
liquor before beer youre in the clear
beer before liquor youll be okay dont be a little bitch
Today my friend told me that his older brother locks him in the closet so often that his mom leaves a whistle there so she knows to get him out
Are u ever walking behind someone on the street and they keep looking behind at u like ur gonna mug them or something and in ur head ur just thinking “shh shh its ok im not gonna hurt you, im not gonna hurt you.”